Socially Inept
While in Croatia Jo, Lucy and myself had a big chat about the 'social pecking order' of school groups; the cool ones, the not quite so cool ones, the nerds and so on. It turns out, and I don't really know why I was in denial of this for so long, that rather than 'orthoganol' to this hierarchy I was simply stuck at the bottom. I was so socially inept that I didn't even realise that this was the case!
Now it seems that if one was to extrapolate on this particular finding then one might be able to explain other parts of my life. Don't get me wrong, I've always known that I was a little 'different', strange even, I'd just never seen myself in this light.
It's not necessarily a bad thing; one has to have one's priorities, and obviously mine have never been in the normal social realm (never mind my relationshipism 'philosophy'). So my next step is to recognise my strengths and build on those rather than whinge about how I can't get girls and people look at me funny when I try to make jokes (or get offended when you try to retaliate to their dry wit with your own).
I must embrace my nerddom and divorce myself from a system which is only going to get me depressed. As such I am definitely going to go to the OSCON (Open source convention), the RubyConf (for ruby o'files) and the OOPSLA (Object oriented programming someting or other :). If I can wangle my way into the ruby crowd (which is currently relatively small) I might gain a clique of similarly afflicted monkeys and suddenly find myself above the middle of a pecking order :)
I don't know whether I'll bother with my proposed 'TopDeck' tour of europe as that would be 25 days of trying to fit into other people's hierarchies, and I've demonstrated neatly in this post atht I am no good at that and shouldn't be allowed to try.
I suppose it can also get to you when the two people you are spending your whole time with have a big chat about work. It is impossible not to make comparisons, and considering I have some 4 years more experience and 5 more age years on them both it can be annoying to be reminded that you are in yet another dead end job for a company that seems to prefer magic to accounting when making money.
Again, I have to embrace this and, when next I search for work, ensure I am in the position that _I_interview_them_. While I may not be a 1%er (Id guess top 20%) I think I should be able to convince someone that I'm up there. Especially if I lie on my CV :)
And don't worry Mum and Dad, if by some amazing strock of bad luck my employers read this, I really don't care because they need me more than I need them. And if future employers find my blog, well this entry will be well and truely gone by then (no, my blog and homepage do not appear in Google)
Now it seems that if one was to extrapolate on this particular finding then one might be able to explain other parts of my life. Don't get me wrong, I've always known that I was a little 'different', strange even, I'd just never seen myself in this light.
It's not necessarily a bad thing; one has to have one's priorities, and obviously mine have never been in the normal social realm (never mind my relationshipism 'philosophy'). So my next step is to recognise my strengths and build on those rather than whinge about how I can't get girls and people look at me funny when I try to make jokes (or get offended when you try to retaliate to their dry wit with your own).
I must embrace my nerddom and divorce myself from a system which is only going to get me depressed. As such I am definitely going to go to the OSCON (Open source convention), the RubyConf (for ruby o'files) and the OOPSLA (Object oriented programming someting or other :). If I can wangle my way into the ruby crowd (which is currently relatively small) I might gain a clique of similarly afflicted monkeys and suddenly find myself above the middle of a pecking order :)
I don't know whether I'll bother with my proposed 'TopDeck' tour of europe as that would be 25 days of trying to fit into other people's hierarchies, and I've demonstrated neatly in this post atht I am no good at that and shouldn't be allowed to try.
I suppose it can also get to you when the two people you are spending your whole time with have a big chat about work. It is impossible not to make comparisons, and considering I have some 4 years more experience and 5 more age years on them both it can be annoying to be reminded that you are in yet another dead end job for a company that seems to prefer magic to accounting when making money.
Again, I have to embrace this and, when next I search for work, ensure I am in the position that _I_interview_them_. While I may not be a 1%er (Id guess top 20%) I think I should be able to convince someone that I'm up there. Especially if I lie on my CV :)
And don't worry Mum and Dad, if by some amazing strock of bad luck my employers read this, I really don't care because they need me more than I need them. And if future employers find my blog, well this entry will be well and truely gone by then (no, my blog and homepage do not appear in Google)
1 Comments:
Don't be too hard on yourself.
I'd say you were always a 1.5 percenter -- and QTAC would agree. well, you're 2.5% higher than me. Anyway, don't get too caught up in the whole social thing. What good are social relationships when we're all just made of Carbon, Oxygen and Hydrofen? It's all a lot of hot air, really.... he he he.
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